Kinds of love
Utopian love
We read stories and novellas about lovers, watch romantic comedies, or experience melodramas. Great love, a wonderful couple. A few months or years later: illness, death, war, crisis, a family in opposition—almost like being cast down again. We begin to experience longing, sadness, and it is precisely in this emotional experience we inflict upon ourselves that we sustain the memory of closeness and separation. This is how our body begins—not in everyone’s case, of course—to associate love with loneliness and absence, because our minds escape into imagination, the memory of what once was, what it was like. We begin to color, embellish, add things, situations, and words that never existed. We live in fantasy or experience sadness, separation, and loneliness because we associate these emotional states with love.
There’s a huge difference between being in love and love. Love is a state that lasts. Being in love is much deeper than infatuation and often leads to love. Contemporary media, movies, entertainment programs, and popular books are devoid of what bygone poets, poems, and literature fed us—the element of feeling and emotion is missing, meaning we’ve begun to repress ourselves, flee from love, or simply reduce it to unattainable values and forms. Let’s see within ourselves whether we believe in utopian love, and whether instead of love, we experience anger, dissatisfaction, or whether we are experiencing, over and over again, the sadness of loss. Utopian love is love that doesn’t truly exist; it takes the form of an abstraction, a mirage, but humans have learned to see it and strive for it. Utopian love contains the memory of losing someone, and the experienced loss serves only as a reminder of what once was, because that has become our kind of love.
Suffering-sacrificial love
Jesus’ teachings are dual, bipolar, because one is shown by his behavior, and the other is presented in the biblical writings. Jesus taught about love for one’s neighbor—it was something between personal love and unconditional love, but it included, most importantly, acceptance. When we look at Jesus’ behavior on the cross, we see that he forgave what was done to him, let go, released, and held no grudges. Christianity—perhaps due to the influence of the dark ones, or even Paul himself—glorifies suffering love, pain, toil, life’s difficulties, and sadness. However, when we take this same Jesus down from the cross, a space suddenly appears that contains understanding, acceptance, forgiveness, and above all, immortal life. You hold no grudges, regrets, pain, or the need for revenge. Unfortunately, the cross is dual, because it left a second imprint, which we will discuss later. Today, not only Christians, but also Buddhists and Muslims, carry within themselves much of the wrongs, pain, suffering, sacrifice, deservingness, and guilt. As if the pole of love had been spiritually reversed. Love has become a means of sustaining and glorifying these negative feelings and attitudes. Understood in this way, it leaves room for victims and executioners, penance, rejection, and isolation, perpetuating the effect of being cast down, experiencing it over and over again.
Self-love
Without self-love, we seek understanding and solace in a suffering, sacrificial, utopian love. We constantly feel compelled to do something, to show ourselves somehow, just to finally be appreciated, seen, loved, and accepted. Why do we think that who we are is insufficient to experience and receive love? How much more do you have to give, to show? An inner understanding, flowing from our heart, our core, that we truly don’t need to prove anything, to demonstrate our worth, to talk about it, to boast about it, or even hide it behind wealth, achievements, connections, titles, brings freedom and allows for a deeper experience of love. We don’t know ourselves, we don’t understand ourselves, we feel empty, we dislike ourselves, or we constantly reject, criticize, compete with, and diminish ourselves. We act this way because we still don’t know who we are and what we represent within ourselves as a being. Self-love is what we need most. Self-love brings with it acceptance of your unsuppressed, healthy needs. Without self-love, we can love with a suffering love, but we do not fully understand personal or unconditional love, because we have so many conditions for ourselves.
Personal love
Personal love is the love that exists between two beings. You love someone and are loved by them, and the released energy exchanges between you across all your bodies and chakras. What is the difference between personal and unconditional love? Unconditional love simply exists; personal love has a direction. The very act of giving direction colors love with various values related to expectations, patterns, and deficiencies, and also touches on our emotionality. Personal love seems very human, private, and central, but it also carries something we could call requirements.
Is it possible to transform personal love into unconditional love? At first, it seems abstract, because we love „for something,” we like „something.” Personal love encompasses the need to live together, to be close, to share, to experience, to wake up next to each other every day. These are conditions, so unconditional love seems distant. There’s a small „but” here, because over the years and as we grow personally, we truly appreciate the valuable qualities in another person, their respect for boundaries, their understanding of ourselves, and we feel that space for unconditional love is being born here, because your personal, subconscious, deeply internal boundaries are being respected. And this applies to thoughts, emotions, values, space, and time. Suddenly, personal love changes its color; something begins to dissolve, literally melt. True, in the grand scheme of things, there’s still a condition, but neither partner coerces, manipulates, and there are no shortcomings or deficits—as if they vibrate similarly. It’s possible to move from personal love to unconditional love, but it has to be something within ourselves, because that’s where it all begins. The smaller the ego and the sense of self-harm, the more the unconditional love.
Personal love has a direction and a given potential. In polygamy or relationship triangles, this channel is divided into parts. When we love someone personally and sleep with someone else or constantly seek someone else (because the grass is always greener on the other side), we say we don’t love personally. The sexual chakra, called the sacral (holy), requires a unified channel for growing intimacy—just like our heart. A relationship is often a more intimate relationship with a mother or father, but a true relationship is more than just a relationship with parents; it’s entering into one’s zone of contact with another person who loves, understands, sees, respects, and listens. Polygamy reduces the intensity of personal love, sometimes dissolving it completely, leaving us with what? It’s some kind of feeling, but is it love? It certainly brings euphoria, elation, ecstasy, adrenaline, adoration, and excitement, but as we know, emotions last only a few seconds, but the feeling is constant—eternal—and that’s precisely the case with personal love. When you truly loved your partner, even though you’re no longer together, you still have love, but it’s simply not active because the energy isn’t flowing, you’re not focused on that person. That’s why they say that love is eternal. If you don’t feel love, it clearly wasn’t love, but rather some other form of the aforementioned emotions.
Unconditional love
Unconditional love, or perhaps an attitude likely known through the actions of various enlightened yogis. There’s no room here for sacrificial, suffering, or personal love; instead, there’s a general emanation of accepting the world as it is, which allows us to accept people, animals, and others without judgment, demands, or emotions. I used to think that loving with unconditional love was relatively simple, because when you love with this kind of love, no one rejects you because you don’t require, expect, or demand; it is what it is, and what isn’t simply isn’t meant to be. I used to think an enlightened yogi who loves unconditionally had it much easier because they lived alone, had no children, and lived far from crowds. Now I believe this type of love isn’t infantile at all; it’s incredibly difficult, and I prioritize it above all other „kinds of love,” or perhaps simply feelings-based attitudes. Although unconditional love isn’t possible without self-love and the experience of personal love.
Beyond conditions
In our family, birthdays were always celebrated lavishly, with other family members coming, and if you couldn’t make it, you’d call or send messages to the birthday person. In April 2024, I turned 44, but since I live far away now, a birthday party was out of the question. I received many well wishes, but not from my daughter, who—as it turned out—had forgotten, even though my partner had sent her a message earlier. My daughter didn’t send the message in the form of a meme until the next day. After receiving the message, I felt strange, as sadness crept up, which turned into anger. I began to examine myself, because my body’s first reaction was to punish her for this behavior. I immediately thought it was a reaction encoded by the Code of Hammurabi. So I started exercising to channel my emotions somewhere. I was sitting, walking, thinking, and suddenly I heard from my monad: „Is this your unconditional love?!” In a second, my entire emotional state changed, and I started laughing deeply. I also began to examine my relationship with my daughter, our incarnational histories. After analyzing and releasing, I wrote down a few points:
- Avoid playing the role of a submissive servant to the child: A parent is a parent, they can be a friend, but not a servant, a guardian, a slave of the child. A parent should demand from the child to support their development, not to shrink and submit to. ”White parenting”, where one partner gives priority to the other and the children leads to the development of ”meek men” or ”submissive women” and shapes the attitude of a bad parent, punishing themselves and promoting selfishness in the others. Demanding from the child teaches self-fulfillment and building self-esteem.
- Karma, incarnational and spiritual relationships: Relationships with children can be difficult and rooted in karmic patterns. A parent’s task is to transform suffering and codependent love into unconditional love, full of space, understanding and acceptance. A child may subconsciously strive to be a victim and manipulate the parent. It’s important not to give in to these desires and fall into old patterns. Instead, respond in a new way and stop playing the dualistic game.
- Seeing your child/partner as a blank slate: Our subconscious mindtries to imposepatterns and expectations on us based on our past experiences.Try to see the other person as a blank slate, without projections and judgments.
Unconditional love is love without conditions. It’s difficult to apply or simply exude, especially towards older children, partners, parents, and loved ones. Unconditional love is easy when we think about our dogs and cats. Why is this so? A cat and a dog have never harmed us and we know they never will. We have unconditional love for an animal, but also our own personal love. An animal will never have human, or personal, love, only unconditional love. Therefore, in this entire dynamic, the animal holds a higher position than the human. Humans, due to their ego, think differently, but we know that the infinite characteristic of humans is their stupidity and pride.
Let’s return to unconditional love, which doesn’t judge or define. Learning to love like pets do seems like a regression in evolution, but it’s not, because through such training, we’re reminded of something very simple. When your child was little, or when you look at little children, you perceive human beings differently. This happens because you’re looking at an innocent, defenseless being who has no strength or power to hurt you, say anything bad, ridicule you, or judge you. Many, many years later, everything changes; you might even become afraid of your own or someone else’s child; you no longer treat them as innocent, but often as someone who could pose a threat. What changes within us that makes us view the same person, a loved one, in such different ways? Are we changing, or is something else happening? Or perhaps it’s our inner fear, our anxiety, that creates the filters through which we judge others, or even all of humanity?
Earlier, I wrote a certain assessment of humanity, but I could also have said this: „The infinite characteristic of man is his striving for self-improvement and incredible flexibility.” These are two different assessments and definitions of humanity, so what’s the moral of this? We fall into a certain duality of thinking: either/or, black/white, so perhaps it’s our perspective, our filter, our experience that internally tells us: I love this, I don’t love that, I like this, I hate that, I like this, I reject that. So where is the place for unconditional love in this, when we ourselves are scripted, conditioned on all sides, and project these assessments into the world? Why do you love a two-year-old child unconditionally, but not a ten- or fifteen-year-old? Here’s another interesting point. When we interact with another person or an entire group, a community, we also enter the field of these beings. The field touches ours, intertwines, and interacts, which is why we call it the subconscious, nonverbal interpersonal language. Unfortunately, the field is made up of patterns, something like a plus and a minus, input and output, a socket and a plug. Therefore, we succumb to a certain game that isn’t solely dependent on us; it’s more like representing the sum of the patterns and subconscious determinations of a given field. We consciously think we’re making choices, but long, long before, our subconscious system has made those choices for us. What are the consequences? We succumb to certain behaviors and impulses, such as rejection or hugging, love or hate, like or dislike, disgust or euphoria, and all this towards another person, even without a single word being spoken. And what about loved ones, who are right under our noses?! Instead of adapting to another being, their field, expectations and intentions, and playing for someone the same way someone plays for us, then instead of karmic, incarnational, emotional histories and the overlays that are created, let us simply learn unconditional love, which also means being in the here and now, looking from the here and now.
Despite what I mentioned, there’s something more here. Not only are you manipulating and being manipulated, you’re invading other people’s spheres, just as others invading yours, so that your subconscious minds can „get along”; there’s also something more intentional, conscious, even calculated. There’s something here that we could call gaining, obtaining, conquering, because perhaps you’re in a higher position than the other being (child, partner). Darling, what do you want to achieve? What’s buried so deeply within you? What do you project onto the human world, even onto your loved ones, and what do you no longer project onto the animal world because you love unconditionally? Isn’t it true that despite your biological love for your loved ones, your children, and your personal love, you also harbor another kind of love within you—selfish love?
Selfish love
Let’s look at the definition of selfishness or egoism: „Egoism – excessive or exclusive self-love. An egoist is usually guided by their own well-being and interests, paying little attention to the needs and expectations of others. They relate everything to themselves, view the world through the prism of the 'I,’ and do not internally recognize the system of socially accepted values.” You’ll immediately say no, after all, you’ve devoted so much energy, time, months, years, decades to raising your child. You’ve helped, invested, experienced their ups and downs, been there for them. Yes, you did what most parents do, perhaps even being more active, devoting more, but the question of sacrifice arises. Why did you use the word „sacrifice” in any form or at any time? What did you sacrifice? Isn’t it now that your very, very hidden „sacrifice” is affecting your relationships with loved ones, your partner, children, and subordinates? Because YOU HAVE SACRIFICED SO MUCH FOR THEM, invested so much? Is this some kind of stock market game, supposed to make a return? What did you sacrifice yourself for? Because that’s what you were taught, that’s what your parents and grandparents did? If so, then we have ancestral loyalty and loyalty to the behavior of most of humanity. You sacrifice for others, but that’s white thinking; it’s unhealthy. If you give up something, it means you’re leaving something behind or postponing it, and that creates a lack, a gap, a hole. Now, for example, a child appears, a new partner, who somehow—through subconscious patterns—builds in you an attitude of giving up something, in this case, freedom, time for yourself, independence. From the very beginning of your relationship with your child, your partner, you sacrifice yourself. Despite a dozen of hormones triggered in the body, love, being in love or feelings of infatuation, deep within you, you’ve just abandoned something, something that was precious to you. So you entered the path of sacrifice, somewhere there is a part of you that turns away.
You don’t see it; that’s not how society, its norms, your parents with their values, religion with its beliefs, raised you. But you turn away. The question is: what are you turning away from, what else are you looking for? I’d like you to abandon the term „sacrifice.” Banish it from your vocabulary—it’s white bullshit, fed to you unconsciously from birth, and to which, unfortunately, even souls are often subjected.
Unconditional love
Exercise. Imagine, for now just imagine, that you love unconditionally. Recall your relationship with an animal. If you haven’t had one, then again: imagine having such a relationship, such contact, because you’ve surely observed it in others. What did you feel for that animal? Closeness, love, fun, joy, some kind of play, warmth. Every pet owner knows that animals have their own personalities, their own characters. Now, if you have a child, think of a child up to two years old. Fill yourself, your whole being, with this feeling. And now, most importantly: imagine yourself in front of yourself in your imagination (thoughts, inner image) and direct unconditional love towards that image, bestow unconditional love on yourself. If you felt blockages anywhere (stomach, heart), place your hand there and say to yourself, „I reach it out, I withdraw it, I throw it out.” And be in that state – let the energy flow. How does that make you feel? Without judgment, conditions, expectations, simply accepted as you are, with everything? Easier, simpler? So for goodness’ sake why humanity loves with a personal love that contains so much selfish love? Why do we want unconditional love from someone, yet we love with a selfish, suffering love? Is that why humanity is unhappy? Is this the result of the Christian cross – because on the one hand, salvation, redemption, on the other, sacrifice? Perhaps the white ones wanted to shatter dark egoism? But without healthy egoism, you won’t draw the line, you won’t oppose your oppressor, you won’t consider your own well-being. The cross isn’t a symbol of unconditional love; perhaps Jesus’ initial teachings speak of love, but humanity was judged and subjected to sacrifice, that is, the sacrifice of one being. It doesn’t matter how you treat Jesus: as a messiah, a human being, a schizophrenic, a god, God. He left the cross and poured suffering love into humanity, and it doesn’t matter how much the dark ones and Lucifer have distorted the biblical teachings. It’s similar with the teachings related to the bodhisattva path in Buddhism. You can never save humanity or sacrifice yourself for humanity, because in doing so, you deprive the human being of what is precious within them: the power of good and evil, the power of destruction and creation, that is, building your own center, your own middle ground, your own balance, even if it takes a given human group eons to do so.
In this world, this wasn’t possible, because this world is the result of the struggle between the white ones and the dark ones. Even though the dark ones are keeping the nations on a short leash, because the white social and family system, as well as the spiritual system, is trying to save the situation, is anyone actually saving anyone here? Because it looks like a gang locked in a psychiatric ward, and no one knows where the doctor went. Is humanity ready to take a step further, after so many centuries have passed, and understand and feel unconditional love? It’s not easy. Everyone has hundreds of expectations for themselves, the world, and those closest to them. Furthermore, we delude ourselves, deceive ourselves – most of us don’t even know how to protect ourselves, defend ourselves, or assertively refuse, because refusing is so selfish, because thinking only of ourselves is pure evil. This is the result of white patterns, white upbringing. We don’t have to be good or bad, white or black. So what – you ask? Let’s see.
Unconditional love sets no conditions, doesn’t make plans, doesn’t control, doesn’t dictate—it simply is. Let dark and white continue to fight for attention, humanity, followers, and control; it doesn’t have to, because what’s there to fight for, really? For recognition, being special, or perhaps you’re fighting for love, or in the name of love? Well, good luck, surely what you’re fighting for will have something to do with love. What are you running after and where are you looking? In the dual system—the top and the bottom, better and worse, executioners and victims, chosen and condemned, those who are judged and those who judge—there is only codependent, suffering, and selfish love. And no one will ever change that, because they can’t; a different energy, a different way of thinking, doesn’t flow in.
The greatest manipulation is that concerning love, for example, that you have to earn love, love requires worthiness, love comes from someone else, love requires suffering, sacrifice. This isn’t love, it wasn’t even based on deep feelings, it’s a substitute for acceptance into a group and being part of it, it’s the result of instilled ancestral and karmic loyalty, it’s your subconscious desire to blend in, it’s succumbing to archetypes reflected by charismatic and narcissistic individuals. Tell yourself:
I owe nothing to Jesus, Buddha, or other masters, enlightened ones, messiahs, or prophets.
My goodness, ethics, and love do not come from Jesus, Buddha, and I do not owe them to other masters, enlightened ones, messiahs, or prophets.
The dark ones, Lucifer, Ahriman, and Satan, do not show me my light through the influence of their darkness, and it is not at all thanks to them that I become a stronger and better being.
I owe nothing to the dark ones, Lucifer, Ahriman, and Satan.
How did you feel when you said that? Weird? Did it make you dizzy, did it seem funny? What did you feel internally, deep within yourself? Some resistance, laughter, a whisper? Follow this lead. What is it about, and what does it touch within you? The first step beyond subconscious conditioning (not necessarily archetypal) loosens sacrifice and dependence, selfish love, but also creates space in personal love. Say aloud:
I am loved no matter who I am, what I do, or what I have achieved.
I feel love no matter who I am, what I do, or what I have achieved.
I have love within me no matter who I am, what I do, or what I have achieved.
Conclusion
Without self-love, there is no healthy personal love, and it is impossible to experience unconditional love. However, conditions themselves establish the rules of our lives, and expectations determine the purpose of our existence. If we think about love in any form (energy, consciousness, density), we know where free will comes from, what its main component is. The question then arises: „Why do we live in a world so conditioned? Why do we live in a body so scripted by the histories of our family, loved ones, and the world?” Have we surrendered free will and the memory of unconditional love—that is, limitless, without beginning or end—in favor of experiencing selfish, suffering, sacrificial, personal, utopian love? We made a good deal, like a broker.
Only a broker would get fired for such a deal, and what do we do? Are we waiting for stocks to go up because we’ve invested so much, sacrificed so much, given so much of ourselves, because we accepted a lie as truth? There’s such a thing as overinvestment and the principle of consistency. It says we reach a point where retreat would mean admitting we were wrong. The solution to this situation is a simple examination of conscience, drawing conclusions: our advisors were inexperienced, we allowed ourselves to be deceived, exploited, and transported. All this to discover what we have always had within us and what has always been within our reach. Let’s return to what is permanent, and what has literally been ripped from souls, worlds, and physical beings. Let’s return and learn, like little children, unconditional love, for it is within us, but pain, suffering, the search for justice, expectations, and deceit tell us otherwise.
Love surrounds us, is within us and beyond us. Love never judges, criticizes, diminishes, or coerces. Instead, it brings wholeness, unites, heals internally, and harmonizes. Love flows and acts where it can, and where we don’t want it, it doesn’t. We have exactly what we allow ourselves, what we want. For love, we can do anything, and for love, we don’t have to do anything.
Nikodem Marszałek
2015 / 2024
